The Only Answer I Have Is Love

I’ve spent more time than normal focused on how to write this post. It’s taken me three weeks to get to this point. And still I hesitate.

Why?

Because no matter what I say or how good my intentions, it’s probable someone will not like what I say. I’m not perfect, and I admit, I might not get this right. There are way too many thoughts running through my brain. I don’t want to be silent, but I don’t want my words twisted, either. I’ve witnessed a lot of twisted interpretations, and I’ve witnessed some odd opinions as of late.

Lately, and I don’t mean in the last few weeks, but over the last decade, we’ve become a society more focused on labels rather than people. So, I’m going to start there. Of all the labels you can use to describe me, only one matters: I am Christian.

The sad thing is some people immediately categorized me in a negative way. We were warned of this in I Peter 2:11-12, 15:

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against my soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. . . For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people.

Unfortunately, in our media-centric world, Christians are not portrayed well. We’re shown as haters. I’ve had friends on Facebook slam all Christians. I’ve wondered if they knew it was me they were attacking.

In John 13, Jesus tells his disciples:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

They don’t see this.

But did you catch verse 12 of I Peter 2 above? They will see our actions and glorify God, not us, when He returns. That’s hard. That’s tough.

A lot has happened in our world, and George Floyd is the tip of the iceberg. I’ve seen the video many times on the news. I’ve sat with my 8 year old grandson and tried to explain to him what happened to George Floyd and why people are protesting. It’s a tough question to answer. He’s biracial. His sister is, too. I’m raising them.  He became upset and told me he hated America and wanted to leave. This broke my heart. I knew he was too young to process what was happening, but I knew I couldn’t hide it from him, and I shouldn’t. He will grow up in this world, and what happens now will impact him as an adult. I fear for my grandchildren and the other children of this world.

I, also, fear for my husband, who is in law enforcement.

Both sides of this issue are personal to me.

I’ve written and deleted more words than I’ve written right now.. And I just did it again. My heart hurts for this world.

I keep coming back to Ephesians 4:32:

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ forgave you.

One of my dear friends recently shared a YouTube video with me, and I think it’s best if I let that video speak for me. I’m sharing the link to the one shared with me and the follow up one. Both came out before George Floyd’s murder, but the message fits. The second one came out after the details on Ahmaud Arbery’s murder came to light. Both are roughly 45 minutes long, but they are well worth your time.

I pray that you will watch them.

Why Can’t We Be Unified?

Why Can’t We Be Unified? Part 2

I leave this post, with my own thoughts: Jesus called us to love one another. Our love is what’s supposed to identify us as Christians. Jesus told us to turn the other cheek and go the second mile. Satan wants to divide us, and he’s doing a great job at it.

Please watch the videos and pray about what you should do.

Violence is not the answer.

Silence is not the answer.

The only answer I can find is love.

 

Trying to Undo Early Parenting

Last night, after Amari had track practice, we ran into a sandwich shop to get a quick dinner before heading home to bath and bed. We had placed our order through the app in hopes that it would be ready when we arrived. It wasn’t, and Victoria commenced with all the teenage drama and disgust that goes hand in hand with kids her age. To distract her, I told her to go get cups from the kiosks, so she and her brother could fix their drinks while we waited. Looking as if I’d asked her to carry Mount Kilimanjaro on her shoulders, Victoria slumped away, Amari at her heels. She shoved right past a woman who had to stop in her tracks to avoid being hit.

Ugh. I hate this part of raising children who started out their lives with someone else’s influence. For the majority of Victoria’s first eight years of life, she lived with her mother. Yes, she had a few periods where we contributed to raising her, but the bulk of that time fell to her mom and whichever boy/man she chose to have around. Although I taught my children manners and to be aware of people around them in public, she did not pass this on to Victoria or Amari. We’re having an easier time working on Amari’s manners since he had just turned four when they came to live with us.

I summoned Victoria back. She came dragging back, annoyance in her scowl. I told her, “You pushed past that woman. That was rude. You need to go apologize.”

“I did not,” she argued back.

I held my breath. I didn’t want another scene in the restaurant (she’d already created a minor one when our food wasn’t quite ready), but I knew I needed her to learn to show consideration for others.

To my surprise, when I told her she had to do it, she walked over to the woman and apologized. When she turned around she wore a big smile.

At that point, our food came up, so I rose to get it and spoke briefly to the woman. “It’s so hard some days.”

She smiled and said, “I was really surprised she came over and apologized.”

I could see she appreciated it. For that, I appreciated her. At that point, our social butterfly, Amari, popped over and stood smiling up at the woman. She spoke to him briefly and went on her way.

Sometimes, I apologize to the person one of them has just ran into or shoved past. Many of them say, “It’s fine. I know they don’t mean any harm.” Although, these people believe they are doing the right thing, I usually respond with, “They need to learn though.”

This woman could have taken another tact and been nasty to Victoria. I’m thankful that she chose to show Victoria kindness and grace at that point.

I wish I could say that every time I try to reinforce the grands manners it works…much less sticks, but this time, it did.

I made sure Victoria knew how proud I was of her.

Not to be outdone, she informed me I was spending way too much time pointing our her mistakes. Yet, I saw the joy her apology and the woman’s kind response gave her. There’s hope yet.

Nothing earth shattering this week, but it is hard. I know I’ve written about the difficulties of reworking behaviors the grands learned elsewhere. It’s tough. When you observe a child or teen being overly rude, keep in mind you don’t always know what that parent is dealing with. If the parent appears aware that their child is crossing a line, know that they are trying to instill a lesson, whether you see it or not.

Be like this lady, gracious but allowing the child a chance to admit to their behavior.

What Do We Tell the Addict’s Children?

Image courtesy of freeimages.com/kliverap

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22

A few weeks ago, I posted about promises my daughter made to my grandchildren. Promises I doubted she would or could keep. Within a week of that post, she bonded out of the local detention center and broke those promises. Prior to her release, she asked me if we and the children could meet her for dinner once she got out. She assured me she missed her children too much and didn’t want to be without them, anymore. She promised to do whatever it took to get back on track.  I doubted her convictions, but did not turn her down.

She was out for two days before I knew they’d released her. I found out by checking the current inmate info online.

A few days later, Victoria showed me pictures she’d drawn to send to her mother. I admired them but said nothing about her mother’s whereabouts. Victoria hadn’t drawn anything for my daughter in some time. In fact, the more my daughter promised, the more upset my granddaughter became. It hurt knowing her mom was so close to getting out and coming to see her. She missed her too much, so she asked to not speak to her mom on the phone. I honored this request though my daughter didn’t like it.

What do I tell Victoria now? What about Amari who created the fantasy that he was going back to live with his mom?

When it became obvious to Victoria that her mother hadn’t called or been in contact, I told her the truth. “We don’t know where she is. She got out a week ago, and we haven’t heard from her.”

Victoria did not comment. But she spent days working this out in her mind because, a few days later, she announced, “I know why Mommy didn’t call. She doesn’t have a phone.”

This is what children do to protect their own hearts. They rationalize. They make excuses for neglectful parents.

Amari still hasn’t asked. In fact, his behavior has improved since the phone calls stopped.

Jesus told his disciples, we must come to him as little children. Children forgive. They leave their hearts open to the missing parent.

When questioned about forgiveness, Jesus told Peter we must forgive seven times seventy-seven times. Children do that, but some day, if the situation doesn’t change, they’ll stop. That’s the sad part. Hope will die in their hearts if we don’t give them something else to trust in.