Remembering the Forgotten Mothers

Courtesy of Pixabay.com

This weekend, we celebrate Mother’s Day. I never look forward to it because few of mine have gone well.

Instead of whining about why my Mother’s Days aren’t fun, I’d rather help my readers notice the mothers who get sidelined or find it hard to enjoy this day.

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
Psalm 68:5

As you remember your mother, wife, grandparents, or any other women in your life who answer to “Mom” please try to share a kind thought or blessing with any you know who are:

Single Moms: Most children learn to celebrate Mother’s Day through their fathers. Without a father to guide them, they don’t recognize the importance of this day.

Military Wives:  These women have the same problem as single parents if their husbands are deployed.

Stepmothers: They get a bad wrap thanks to fairy tales. Any woman who willingly marries a man with children does so with plans to embrace the lives of those children. That doesn’t mean those children remember them on Mother’s Day.

Grandmothers Raising Grandchildren: Most of them did not sign up for this. They’ve already parented one generation of children and were not anticipating doing it again.

Mothers Who Have Lost Their Children: I can’t begin to imagine the pain they experience.

Mothers Whose Children Don’t Contact Them: Estrangement from a child hurts. This is that little baby they carried and doted on.

Mothers Whose Children Live Too Far Away: They tend to understand the problems brought on by distance, but it still makes for a lonely Mother’s Day.

Women Who Have Lost Their Mothers: It’s been three years since I lost my mom and shopping for Mother’s Day cards is bittersweet. I, always, find the perfect one for her.

I’m sure there are other women who belong on this list. Find them and wish them a good day. If you have time or the means, treat them to lunch or a mani-pedi or give them a break from the kids for a few hours. They will appreciate it more than you know.

Parenting: Looking For the Prodigal Seeds

Image courtesy of artur84/freedigitalimages.com

It’s been a while since I blogged about my personal story. In some ways, I’ve been avoiding it because I’ve reached a point in the story where things began to fall apart for my younger daughter. I’ve blogged about her teen pregnancy, and I’ve posted several blogs about the prodigal, hoping to discover wisdom for myself as I share the current situation.

I haven’t talked about the years between the teen pregnancy and her current situation.  She’s almost 37 years old, so that pregnancy was some time ago.

So, what happened?

I can’t point to one thing. It’s a series of events and choices.

From the time she was three, she started doting on younger kids. She was great with them. You could see she adored children. I watched and realized that some day she would be a wonderful mother. But events changed that part of her. After she gave up her son for adoption, her interest in younger children evaporated. I’m not surprised by that, but I am saddened by it.

Instead, she focused on her studies, on activities with church and the school chorus and band, and on spending time with friends. I recall one Friday night, she and her friends showed up at our house shortly before her curfew, seeking shelter from a bad storm. I suggested the girls call their parents to let them know they were safe and at our home. Their response shocked me: they didn’t have a curfew, and their parents wouldn’t worry. Only one girl made a phone call.

What!?

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Proverbs 22:15

My children always had a curfew. I expected them to let me know where they were and who they were with. These 16-year-old girls didn’t have any boundaries. As I dug deeper into the situation, I discovered that most of my daughters’ classmates did not have rules about where they were or when they came home.

At the time, my daughter expressed thanks that we cared enough to know she was safe. It wasn’t long before she pushed for the same freedoms her friends had, though.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6:1-3

As our children grow older, the choices made for them become a two-way street. We eventually lose control over what they are doing. The teen years is not the time to lose that control, but that’s what happened with her friends. Either the parents wanted to be “friends” with their children or chose to not fight with their kids in order to enforce rules.

I stuck to my rules, but that’s when things began to fall apart.

Where Is Your Treasure?

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.lovecloud Matthew 6:21

I’ve spent a good bit of time wondering what to say today. Circumstances with my daughter have changed since last week’s post. She stands at a precipice and must put her words into action. Although, she claims a desire to fix her life so she can be with her children, I’m waiting to see if she will take even the first step. The question is what is in her heart? Where is her treasure?

If she can find treasure in restoration with her family, she has a chance. If she allows the world to tempt her with addiction and poor choices, her treasure will not be with us.

She is the only one who has control over where her heart leads her.

She is the only one who has control over which decision she makes.

She must navigate the obstacles, not us.

She must prove her treasure resides with her children by her actions.

Many people don’t understand why a parent doesn’t jump in and help a grown child who asks for help. We could, but we’ve been down that road. If a child who is visibly doing things to straighten out their life asks for help, that’s one thing. If the child continues to blame others for their problems, continues to believe their parents must help them, it’s a totally different story.

We’re not heartless. We care. We love her. We must let her choose where her treasure is.