The Best Laid Plans . . . Maybe

No matter how well I plan, nothing goes the way it should these days. Do you know that feeling?

I wish I could say this was a temporary situation, but I’m looking at over a year of constant barriers and interruptions to my workday. The sad thing is most of them are not due to my mistakes.

I should have time to get stuff done, but other people and organizations continue to construct roadblocks.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34

I’ve focused this blog on grandparenting over the last few years since two of my grandchildren live with us. Children who end up in foster care or the care of a relative often bring more than baggage with them. In our case, we have several diagnoses: ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Autism.

I’ve hit most of these in stride, but a lot of setbacks come from the government and pharmaceutical issues. ADHD meds are controlled substances. In our state, you HAVE to visit the prescribing doctor every 3 months. Since they have different doctors due to their specific needs, that’s eight times a year I have to fit one of these appointments into my schedule.

After the appointment, the doctor submits 3 separate prescriptions for the same medication to the pharmacy. These can NOT be listed as refills. Each one has a “do not fill before” date on it. Not satisfied with that restriction, insurance will not let them fill the prescription until 30 days after you picked up the last prescription. Since the scripts are not refills, you have to call the pharmacy and speak to the pharmacist in order to fill it. Call a day too early, and the pharmacy tells you to call back the next day. That’s enough of a pain, right?

But oh no, I’m not done.

My granddaughter’s prescription is often on back order. Why? Because in December it became available in generic form. Great, right? Nope. No one can get the generic form. It’s back ordered, too. Since there’s a generic available, the drug company no longer offers a discount coupon. For the same reason, insurance doesn’t want to pay for the brand. It’s not cheap.

If they’re out of stock, I can call other pharmacies to see if they have either form, but these prescriptions can NOT be transferred to another store, even in the same company. If I find it, I have to call the doctor who has to cancel the existing prescription with the current pharmacy and submit a new prescription to the new pharmacy.

My grandson’s prescription is not available in generic and it’s not on our insurance formularies. He is intolerant to the less expensive alternatives, and it took us forever to find this one. We can’t switch. For the last 3 years, once a year, his secondary insurance required a physician’s authorization. With authorization, they cover the prescription. In November, I proactively asked the doctor to do the authorization. The insurance company said they didn’t need it. This month, they do. He qualifies based on their criteria, but they’re refusing to accept the authorization. It’s not cheap if they don’t. After multiple attempts to get it approved, I gave up the other day and paid the higher price. That hurt.

These aren’t one call and done situations. They take a LOT of time to navigate when everything works. When something does go wrong, they take days. Time I need to use elsewhere.

My husband and I are nearing retirement age. We can’t afford to have our costs go up because the kids’ insurance wants to give us a hard time. I can’t afford the extra time from my work that I devote to these problems.

I wish I could say these are the only issues setting me back, but I could go on and on. I’m continually having to spend time on a problem not of my own making rather than do the work I’d planned to do that day. It’s getting ridiculous.

In the verse from Matthew listed above, it says not to be anxious. This is hard. I have a To Do list. Up until last year, I had minor setbacks but nothing major setting me back. Now? I’m lucky if I cross one thing off my list each day. In fact, I almost didn’t take the time to write this post because of the time factor. I decided to anyway because I’m fairly sure I’m not the only frustrated parent, grandparent, or caregiver out there.

I do trust God to take care of things, but it’s hard when this world requires so much from me. I’m not a worrier, thank goodness, but I am a planner. I’ve seen my grands without these prescriptions. They don’t do well.

I guess I’m like the father in the Mark who tells Jesus, “Lord I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Always on the Move

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
—Psalm 46:1

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Not because nothing is happening. More like too much is happening! I can barely come up for air most days. I never manage to get everything done. Add to that, the shifting dynamic of the grands’ lives and their mother’s trials and tribulations, and well, it’s tough.

I’m not sure how much to share at this point–there’s really too much, but I will say that I’m juggling a LOT of stuff. V is in heavy adolescent hormonal mode. It’s nightmarish. It’s worse than any of our daughters at this age. I don’t know if ADHD and anxiety have added to it, but I doubt it’s helped. Almost everything she says is mean and nasty and rude. It sucks the joy right out of most everything we try to do.

Then there’s A. He’s seeing a counselor for social issues, a psychiatrist for his meds, and another psychiatrist for exposure response therapy. It’s ridiculous but necessary. That’s a hard one to swallow. The exposure response therapy has helped with his OCD, though, so I’m grinning and bearing it.

Their mom? She’s back in the picture after spending a few months in jail this past spring. As in past times, she’s saying and doing the right things. She’s working. She’s in a rehab house. But she still hasn’t admitted to the many mistakes she’s made. Her son doesn’t mind; he’s just happy to talk to her, but he doesn’t really remember what happened almost six years ago. V is another story. She’s angry for many reasons. I can’t blame her.

We were on vacation last week–something I didn’t want their mom to know since the house was empty–and the kids told her. Her response? Can I come? Nope. Nada. Not happening. Luckily, she got a job and realized she couldn’t start a new job and immediately skip out on a vacation. But, when we got back, she told me she’d been in the hospital again. According to her, she almost had a stroke. Her blood pressure went sky high and the whites of her eyes turned blood red. One eye still is. I don’t know enough about her circumstances to understand what’s happening, but I’m so thankful she didn’t have a stroke. I talked to her about her diet–she’s vegetarian but eats LOTS of salt–and suggested she not push herself so hard. She finds multitudes of ways to stress herself out because she refuses to stop and think. She just plunges headlong into stuff.

That aside, she has no clue how to speak to her children. We saw her on Monday and she started talking about extraterrestrial aliens and telepathy and the grim reaper. The next day, A told me, “Mommy scared me.” I asked him which part, and he said the grim reaper story. He’s a sensitive little guy, and you never know what’s going to frighten or upset him. Add anxiety to his fears, and it’s hard to anticipate. I’m continually shushing V from talking about things that I know will set him off. Maybe I should expose him to his fears, but I don’t have time to deal with them and EVERYTHING else right now.

So, in a nutshell, that’s where we are, bumpy road and all. I know we were never promised an easy life, but I could do with some smooth sailing right now. Thank goodness God is on our side!

Image courtesy of Pixabay.com

Adjustments

Many of you know I follow another mom who blogs about raising her grandchildren due to her children’s life choices. She and I have never met, but we know each other and our pains well. This is the post she shared today. It’s definitely worth reading.

Mom by Proxy . . . and God's Grace

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Adjustments are a natural occurrence throughout our life’s journey. We adjust to all manners of things, whether it be externally or internally as we age. One statement I read as I reviewed the definition of adjustment that I find quite fitting with respect to this stage in my life is: the adjustment of one’s view of reality. Each of us respectively is responsible for not only the life choices we make, whether big or small; but also for our ability to adjust our view of reality involving those we love.

Most of us have been there, haven’t we? We have had to adjust our view of reality. As a parent, one of the most difficult experiences I have (or will) encountered is the adjustment of my dreams, hopes, or visions for my children to match the reality of their lives or their choices.

In…

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