Life After An Abusive Relationship

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici /

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici /

“Call your ex-husband off.”

“Daddy said we shouldn’t have been there.”

“Your ex cornered me last week.”

After a divorce, most people hope to see very little, if any, of their ex, especially when the divorce grew out of an abusive relationship.  Hard to believe that the person you once shared a bed with becomes the one person you don’t want to see.  And therein lies the problem.  The abuser can’t believe you’re gone, you had the gumption to leave, to get out.

In my case, as in many, children complicated the situation.  Just because he hit me didn’t mean, to the court, that he would do the same to his children.  Idiocy, but truth.  That’s exactly what they told me. He got regular visitation, which meant he had tons of access to us.

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.  Proverbs 15:18

I heard the statements at the beginning of this post from friends and my children. He knew a lot about my personal life, my friends, my interactions.  He harassed men I knew or dated.  He had me followed and/or followed me himself. In today’s terms, he stalked me.

It’s hard to move forward from that.  Luckily, for me, he never took it to the next step and killed me.  I’m saddened and frightened for the women of today. More and more we hear of men who can’t accept the fact that they couldn’t control their anger, that someone found the courage to walk away.

I’m not sure if this week’s post has a real purpose beyond the awareness of the situation:  it’s hard to move on from an abusive relationship when the abuser won’t move on.  Don’t step back from these formerly abused, courageous women (and men).  They need the friendships and support more than most. You never know when you might be the reason between them giving in and returning to the relationship, or worse yet, being killed.

4 thoughts on “Life After An Abusive Relationship

  1. Barbara,
    Thank you for sharing thoughts and experience. We all, women and men, must speak up, do something when we are aware of anyone child or adult suffering in an abusive relationship.

  2. Pingback: The Long-term Effects of Domestic Violence – The Workbench of Faith

  3. Pingback: Does the Abuse Stop After Divorce? – The Workbench of Faith

  4. Pingback: October Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month – The Workbench of Faith

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