The next step in my journey to faith isn’t easy to talk about. If you’ve been reading my whole story, that statement might surprise you. After all, it couldn’t have been easy to discuss date rape, teenage pregnancy, teenage marriage, or physical abuse. It’s not, but as I move into the next phase of my life, the phase where I tried to stand on my own two feet as an adult, I can look back and see so many mistakes.
Divorce isn’t easy. No matter how prevalent it is in our culture, no one really wants a divorce. Add to this my belief that marriage is for life, and the decision to tear it apart becomes even harder to swallow.
Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man tear asunder.
I was twenty-two years old. Most of the kids I grew up with were just finishing college when I got my divorce. I had lost so much ground in my life plan, and I wanted to grasp for what I had missed. I wanted the college-life experience I had planned on all my life. The problem? I was a single mother of two beautiful children. They depended on me.
I wish I could tell you I made good decisions in my first year of single parenting. As far as my kids go, I did the best I could, but I wanted a different life. Before you judge me, don’t read the previous sentence and think I didn’t want my children. I did want them and loved them very much. I was so young.
I’m not proud of my lifestyle. I went back to college (good), but I, also, went in search of some of the party elements of the college lifestyle (not so good). On one hand, I was thrilled to have some of that life made available to me, again, but, on the other hand, I wondered if I was lovable. I felt like damaged goods. After all, the one man who promised before God and our friends and families to love, honor, and cherish me had, instead, abused me and still sought to make my life miserable. I wanted something back…and I tried to get it.
There’s a reason the Bible says divorce isn’t good. Because it isn’t. It creates a lot of pain for everyone involved. It, also, creates hate where love should grow.
I don’t apologize for my divorce. I’ve outlined before why I know it was the right thing to do, but it still isn’t something I’m happy about.
Are you divorced? What was the experience like for you?