Domestic Violence: Blessings In the Nightmare

domestic violence

© Barbara V. Evers, All rights reserved.

Not every day is a nightmare while living with domestic violence.

Probably not what you expected to read in this post, but there are good times.  Times of value and joy and happiness.

Not every day brings a new form of terror to the abused spouse.  Yes, she walks on egg shells waiting for the next eruption, but in between those times, there can be peace.

I’m not saying the good times make the bad times forgivable. No one should live in fear of their spouse, but some of the blessings in my life came from my marriage to an abusive spouse.

I have two beautiful daughters from this marriage. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I would love to trade who I chose for their father, however.  Not possible, so end of story.


In the midst of my messed up life, I found my faith.

Did you get that?

I found my faith in Christ during an abusive marriage.

I grew up in a church-going family, but no one taught me God’s plan of salvation.  I knew the story of Christ and His death, burial, and resurrection, but I didn’t understand the significance.  I saw the resurrection as Jesus’ proof that He was the son of God. No one explained it to me. No one told me what it meant when Christ hung on the cross as the perfect sacrifice.  No one explained to me about God’s inability to look on Jesus as he bore our sins. I didn’t know that Jesus bore my punishment and everyone else’s while His father turned away.

I didn’t know.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

My ex-husband’s family belonged to a non-denominational church.  They followed New Testament Christianity.  I didn’t know what that meant at first, but what they taught me made sense. After I almost died, I realized I needed to do something about my salvation. I chose to follow Christ, but I’ll be the first to tell you, I didn’t fully understand what that meant. What I did know was I was unsure about my eternity and chose to accept Christ based on fear.  Not the best way to do it, but it’s how I first stepped out on faith.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Several years later, when I did understand what it meant to follow Christ, I recommitted my life to him and was baptized again.  Some say it wasn’t necessary for me to do that, but my lifestyle and decisions changed after that second commitment. I didn’t change the first time.

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.Romans 6:4

Even in the darkest days, He provides blessings to each of us.  God can take any situation, even domestic violence, and find a way to work good through it: two beautiful children and a faith which gives me hope and eternal life.

When you meet someone who lives in the nightmare of domestic violence, remember some days bring blessings.  This makes it harder for them to leave.  They should leave, no one deserves a life of abuse and fear.  If this is you, if you are the person caught in the nightmare of domestic violence, please leave.  God can take the horrors, it you let Him, and open your heart to His love.

What will you do?


2 thoughts on “Domestic Violence: Blessings In the Nightmare

  1. Dear Barbara, I thank you for sharing about the joy and blessings that can come from an abusive relationship. I did not know that. But, of course, the Lord takes everything we surrender to Him, fling to Him, and brings a treasure out of our darkness. I love your posts. Thank you so much for sharing these hard memories for the sake of the Body of Christ. You are brave! Love, Margie

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