Keeping the Peace

© Barbara V. Evers, Do Not Copy

© Barbara V. Evers, Do Not Copy

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through peace.  Ephesians 4:3

As my body fought off the side-effects of the medications that saved my life, I stayed at my parents’ home. My husband sometimes stayed, but he hated the idea of being in their house.  Every other day, I returned to the doctor to check my SED rate and follow my progress.  In tiny increments, the rate dropped, and, thanks to the rest I was getting, I began to improve.

One night when my husband did choose to stay, he overheard a conversation between my father and me.  I had gone downstairs to get a drink around midnight, and my father chose then to talk to me about their concern that I jumped out of bed every time my daughter woke in the night.  Mom worried I wasn’t getting the rest I needed, but it was hard for me to ignore the instinctual response to my child’s cries.

I discussed this with my dad and returned upstairs, unaware that my husband had eavesdropped.  I found him packing our stuff up ready to leave.  He was livid that my mother thought I shouldn’t get up to care for our child.  I tried to explain, but he was adamant.  He was leaving and taking the baby.  It was up to me whether to stay or go.

I went.  Why?  I knew the kind of drama and turmoil he could create because there was no way I was letting my child leave without me.  Either I kept the peace and went or turned the house upside down at 1 am by refusing to go.  I chose peace.

It killed me.  He wouldn’t let me leave a note.  We packed up and slipped out of the house in the early hours of morning.  It was Mother’s Day.  My first and worst.

On the next day, I had to go back by the house to pick up a few things we’d left behind.  My mother wouldn’t speak to me.  My father told me she had searched for a note, convinced I would have left one.

I told him I was sorry.  I hadn’t wanted to leave but felt I had to choose my husband at the time.  I was married to him after all.

I kept the peace in the family that had become my own.

Sometimes keeping the peace means choosing which side has peace.  Sometimes, there is no option that works.  I was in one of those situations.  No matter what I did, someone was going to hurt.  I opted for the one that allowed my family and baby to sleep through the night.

I doubt I’d make the same choice if faced with it today.  Would you?




4 thoughts on “Keeping the Peace

  1. Back then, yes, I probably would have made the same choice. Now? Ha! Kick that guy to the curb! Love my older, smarter, braver, self!

    • Valerie, thank you for that. It’s so tough to look at the choices I made at the time through the person I am now. Glad to know others, in their youth, might respond as I did.

  2. My goodness, Barbara, you have had an unbelievable journey so far. And I know there’s more to come. I can’t imagine what you went through. But oh, what ministries have come out of your struggles! Thank you for using your scars to reach out to other hurting women.

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