Words of Caution When Speaking to Teens


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“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” one of the chaperones on a youth group trip was saying in the car.  “It’s not that easy to get pregnant.  We tried for years before it happened.”

I never forgot what she said.  This statement made an impression on me at sixteen.  With no experience or background to build on, I believed her.  And for this woman, and many others, it’s the truth.  For me, it wasn’t.

After my boyfriend date-raped me, I stayed with him.  As I mentioned last week, I didn’t see it as date rape and I knew it happened to other girls in my high school and in books all the time.  They rarely broke up with the guy…as far as I knew.

Now, he pushed even harder for sex.  I floundered for new ways to object, but my biggest argument, waiting until marriage, no longer existed. He told me he loved me and wanted to show me.  He stopped the car in remote places.

“I don’t want to get pregnant,” I said.

As with everything else, he had an answer.  “You won’t.  It’s not that easy.  I’ve been with other girls who didn’t get pregnant.”

That’s when I recalled the statement made by that youth group chaperone the year before. I know she would gasp in horror if she realized how her words affected my life choices.  She only had small children at the time, and I think she saw the teens in the youth group as mature and able to discern how to interpret her revelation.

I don’t blame her.

But her statement agreed with his.  I struggled for a response but found none.

So, once again, my barriers to making a good decision crumbled.

Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  I Peter 5:8

Our teens need to know the facts, otherwise, statements like the ones above provide the enemy a way in.

According to childtrends.org, the number of sexually active high school students in 2011 was 34%.  This same site states that teens in stable homes who communicate about sex with their parents are less likely to have pre-marital sex.

My sex education came from the books I read. I had a stable family, but we didn’t communicate about sex, except for the one uncomfortable explanation that came two years after I already knew where babies came from.

People make bad decisions for many reasons.  For me, I didn’t have the tools to argue the point.

This is my journey.  It’s not meant to place blame or accuse.  I don’t use my boyfriend’s name on purpose and never will use it here.  I don’t blame the youth group chaperone.  I don’t blame my parents. But I do wonder how we can stop this from happening.





3 thoughts on “Words of Caution When Speaking to Teens

  1. I still remember a completely inappropriate, sexually oriented story one of my youth leaders told us girls. I was probably 16 or 17. I’m so sorry the remark you heard had a negative impact on your life. But your story is a great reminder that others are listening and gauging us by our words…

  2. Pingback: Life Isn’t Fair: When You Feel Trapped | The Workbench of Faith

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