The world looms heavy over my heart. Dark forces seek to rip out my insides and leave me shattered and lost, a shell of myself.
Over the last six or seven weeks, one thing after another has attacked me, my family, or my dreams. Just when I think it might let up and get better, another attack rises up. The first ones struck upper cuts to my jaw, spinning me around in surprise, struggling to keep my feet under me. This week, they punch to the gut, leaving me bent and writhing in pain. I’m waiting for the sweep to knock my legs out from under me. Sounds pretty awful doesn’t it?
I pray. I read the Word. I meditate. I cry in the dark corners of my mind while I move on in the world. I don’t let on how bad it is. I keep putting one step in front of the other. You see that’s one thing about me that’s never changed. No matter what the world throws at me, I know I will survive. I don’t know HOW, but I do know I will. We have this promise from God:
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with
the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18
So, I seek out those who will listen and not judge. You see, my problems tend to be about the needs of others. I tend to set myself on the back burner. Many people don’t realize this unless they become one of my closest friends. This week I sought out two of those friends. They did the one thing for me that I needed most. They didn’t judge me OR the people causing me this heartache. They listened and told me I wasn’t selfish to want to take care of myself first. I’m crying as I type this because I do feel guilty for wanting something different than the plate offered to me right now. I can choose to take or not take the plate, and the ramifications of both choices frighten me.
The world sometimes is a dark place, but God gave us friends, the church, His Work, and the Holy Spirit to guide us. I will trust in Him and pray.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me,
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why for Christ’s sake,
I delight in weaknesses in insults, in hardships, in persecutions,
in difficulties. For when I am weak, I am strong. II Cor. 12:8-10
Today is the day the Lord has made; REJOICE and be glad in it! Psalms 118:24
I’m not asking for your pity or sorrow in this, I just want you to know there is light in the darkness. I’ve seen it and can trust in Him who creates the light.
What helps you find the light along the dark paths?